Poem inspired by the Iliad

I walk through the woods with a spear in my hand
Searching for enemies, the general's demand
I feel like life is a constant fight
I'd rather be dealing with veggie blight
We see the enemies coming from the south
Their immense numbers drops my mouth
I throw my spear, praying for a hit
But I completely miss, and my general's all like "You twit!"
Well here we go again, now I've an ax
It ploughs through a tree as if it were wax
The tree falls and blocks the baddies off
I feel more powerful than Haselhoff

The Fighting in The Iliad

Jeez! We gods really like violence, I can't honestly believe those guys told their playthings to just fight. I was watching the Iliad channel again and that fighting was cool! I looked in the book afterwards and read that poem and it just seemed really gruesome, not that I'm not used to seeing stuff like that, but it was gross!

My Reaction to the Iliad so far

Well, last night I turned on the news, surprised I can even get a signal down here in Tartarus. I noticed something on the Iliad channel about that Trogan War. I've been getting alot of new tenants down here since that war has started. Even though I can be mean sometimes, that Agamemnon dude seems really mean. Yes, I know I'm a king but I'm not as cruel as that guy. I only stole one girl, AND gave her back without any further demand. I don't blame Achilles for wanting to kill him, but I suppose it was an ok time for Hera to pop in. I guess it would be better for Achilles to be better served in the long run than for Agamemnon to have been killed. I just hope that Agamemnon gets his for what he did.

News Anchor Interview

Dr. Phil: Ok, folks we have some very special guests on our show tonight. Give it up for, HADES AND PERSEPHONE! (thunderous applause) Ok so, Personephone, how do you feel about Hades at the moment?

Persephone: I love him, but I wasn't incredibly flattered with the way he tried to steal me, but I know he couldn't help himself.

Hades: I knew Zeus would never let me have her, so I had to steal her!

Dr. Phil: Did you consider the consequences for that choice ahead of time?

Hades: No, I sat behind a young boy named Narcisus in the second grade, after seeing him I feel like the most selfless god on Mount Olympus.

Dr. Phil: So what happened on the night when you snuck out of Tartarus and nabbed Persephone?

Hades: I couldn't hold on any longer! I needed to be with her immediately, as king of the underworld, I'm used to getting what I want!

Persephone: That's basically why I married you!

Hades: Oh

Dr. Phil: So what exactly did happen after you got your hands on Persephone?

Hades: Zeus was a little ticked off, now that Persephone had left Demeter, all the crops died and we had eternal winter, but then when I generously gave her back for a little bit, summer and winter became balanced.

Dr. Phil: So you created Winter?

Hades: Yeah, basically

Dr Phil: Cool, thanks for that, I love snow boarding.

Hades: No problem, wait, what's snow boarding?

Dr Phil: Well that's all the time we have folks, I gotta have a few words with Hades about the modern era. Goodnight!

(Jazzy Exit Music)